just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
