Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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