hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
