So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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