Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
