you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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