You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize