she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
