She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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