I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
