He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize