I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
