she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
