I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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