Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
