she woke up with a sticky ear
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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