i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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