as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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