Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
