I accidentally burped into my bong.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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