Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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