I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
