just survived the first fart of the relationship.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
