Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
