someone threw a dead crab at me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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