found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
