i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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