you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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