Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
