i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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