Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
