No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize