I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
