he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
