Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
