There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
