Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dick very happy bro
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
