Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish I only lived at night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
