Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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