Well douche your snatch and let's go!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
