I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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