bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
my poor anus
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
