I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
