Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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