some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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