i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
