I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
