You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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