Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
