Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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