We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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