His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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