I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
