OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
