In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
