I am in a vortex of obligation.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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