I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
