You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
