That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
