She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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