I can't breathe out the right side of my face
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
