I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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