I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
