i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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