If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
