There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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