I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
