if you like me you must not know who I am
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
