Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
