Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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